Kelsey is a freelance writer based in Southern Virginia. She enjoys traveling with her family to destinations from national parks to amusement parks and loves sharing tips and stories from along the way.
When it comes to poking bears and petting fluffy cows, the National Park Service means business, and it’s taken to Twitter to deliver brutally funny safety advice.
These savage take-downs will leave you in stitches and educate you on park safety like never before. Get ready to laugh in the name of keeping both visitors and critters intact!
— National Park Service (@NatlParkService) June 23, 2023
One Twitter user asked, “But what if I really, really want to?” NPS wasn’t a fan of that idea, warning them to “brace for landing.”
What animal is large, brown, & furry but does NOT live at Katmai? If you guessed a bison, you would be correct. Happy #NationalBisonDay! (While Katmai may not have bison, ‘don’t touch the fluffy cows’ also applies to our brown bears.) pic.twitter.com/3zJaea890m
— Katmai National Park (@KatmaiNPS) November 5, 2022
Katmai offers a “Wildlife Petting Chart” for anyone who insists on trying to touch wild animals. Your options range from “How fast are you” to “Do you have insurance?”
Any takers? We didn’t think so.
Katmai also notes that this vital advice applies to their own fluffy resident, the brown bear.
Happy #ValentinesDay! 💕
— National Park Service (@NatlParkService) February 14, 2023
National Parks Service shared this card for Valentine’s Day, explaining, “It’s not you, it’s me… Actually, it’s you.” It’s not just a gentle break-up line. It’s an important warning that getting too close to wildlife is a terrible idea and can have disastrous consequences!
Did you know if you hold an ermine up to your ear, you can hear what it’s like to be attacked by an ermine? pic.twitter.com/CS20M9XDjh
— National Park Service (@NatlParkService) February 1, 2023
True for most things in nature, this ermine is adorable, but it’s not a snuggly pet!
This animal may be cute and tiny, but the NPS Twitter assures us that it’s fierce and territorial. Like all national park wildlife, you can look but can’t touch it!
Thermal features are so hot right now.
Well, most of the time. pic.twitter.com/DrzXoXkUsd
— National Park Service (@NatlParkService) June 26, 2023
Wild animals aren’t the only things that visitors can’t seem to stop touching! In this post, NPS shares a photo of one of Yellowstone’s gorgeous thermal pools.
Further down the thread, they warn visitors that the water in these pools and hot springs is hot enough to cause severe or fatal burns, and this super-hot water is just beneath the thin, breakable crust around the thermal features.
Stay on the marked trails and boardwalks, and NEVER try to touch thermal features or their runoff.
Hike in groups. Bears like to have options
— National Park Service (@NatlParkService) June 10, 2023
And really, don’t we all? This humorous advice drops some profound wisdom, though. Hiking in a group is an important safety measure. Other bear safety tips? Make noise while walking to alert bears along the path that you’re coming.
This tongue-in-cheek advice prompted another Twitter user to comment, “I’m assuming a bear is running this account today.”
Whether a bear or a human is running the official National Park Services Twitter, one thing is certain: their hilarious, savage, and on-point safety tips will have us coming back for more!