Don’t Pet The Fluffy Cows! Hilariously Savage National Parks Safety Tips From Twitter

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Kelsey is a freelance writer based in Southern Virginia. She enjoys traveling with her family to destinations from national parks to amusement parks and loves sharing tips and stories from along the way.

When it comes to poking bears and petting fluffy cows, the National Park Service means business, and it’s taken to Twitter to deliver brutally funny safety advice.

These savage take-downs will leave you in stitches and educate you on park safety like never before. Get ready to laugh in the name of keeping both visitors and critters intact!

Bison in national parks are a treat to see… from a distance! If you’re close enough to pet or take a selfie with the wildlife, you’re way too close. 

One Twitter user asked, “But what if I really, really want to?” NPS wasn’t a fan of that idea, warning them to “brace for landing.” 

Katmai offers a “Wildlife Petting Chart” for anyone who insists on trying to touch wild animals. Your options range from “How fast are you” to “Do you have insurance?”

Any takers? We didn’t think so.  

Katmai also notes that this vital advice applies to their own fluffy resident, the brown bear

National Parks Service shared this card for Valentine’s Day, explaining, “It’s not you, it’s me… Actually, it’s you.” It’s not just a gentle break-up line. It’s an important warning that getting too close to wildlife is a terrible idea and can have disastrous consequences

True for most things in nature, this ermine is adorable, but it’s not a snuggly pet!

This animal may be cute and tiny, but the NPS Twitter assures us that it’s fierce and territorial. Like all national park wildlife, you can look but can’t touch it!  

Wild animals aren’t the only things that visitors can’t seem to stop touching! In this post, NPS shares a photo of one of Yellowstone’s gorgeous thermal pools. 

Further down the thread, they warn visitors that the water in these pools and hot springs is hot enough to cause severe or fatal burns, and this super-hot water is just beneath the thin, breakable crust around the thermal features. 

Stay on the marked trails and boardwalks, and NEVER try to touch thermal features or their runoff. 

And really, don’t we all? This humorous advice drops some profound wisdom, though. Hiking in a group is an important safety measure. Other bear safety tips? Make noise while walking to alert bears along the path that you’re coming. 

This tongue-in-cheek advice prompted another Twitter user to comment, “I’m assuming a bear is running this account today.” 

Whether a bear or a human is running the official National Park Services Twitter, one thing is certain: their hilarious, savage, and on-point safety tips will have us coming back for more! 

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